I have undergone a transformation which affect my writing in oh so many ways; therefore, I will not even begin to explain where I've been or what I've been doing. Just know that Hour of Change is still on the burner and this 94,000 word story is being honored as only someone who has walked in Mow Yen's shoes can.
It is said that a writer is constantly mining the soul, their soul, for what is unknown, for what hasn't been felt, and for understanding their core beliefs. This is something that I now embrace and share. Not the mining for feelings or capturing the unknown but for understanding of core beliefs. I have never thought to myself how I was mining for my core beliefs through my writing. Even with Hour of Change, where I'm pouring my heartbreak onto the world, I never thought I was sharing CORE BELIEFS. I never knew I had it in me to leave a relationship which has spread across my many incarnations. I never thought that I would feel the confusion, fear, and anticipation of starting new with a different god or gods; or the deep need to grieve the illusion of perfection which I held for Yahweh. Thereby, letting another god or gods in the private quarters of my heart. I never would have guess that my core beliefs would be changing this incarnation. But all that is going on and more. All because, as the bible says, your mouth provides for your belly. I have decided to quit Yahweh. Now, I don't know what that means for my religious life (which wasn't there to begin with) but for my spirit it means freedom. At least that is my core belief. Yahweh is for the youngsters who need hands on guidance. I am no youngster. Being that I'm sober, I am not about to sit up here and bash and spit upon the people who still give their ultimate devotion and obedience to Yahweh. Again, I just left the fold; keeping the love I was taught and disposing of the rest. I will not go into lack, because I feel they lack nothing, and all of their needs are met. I will say that as much as they claim to be the more powerful religious organization of followers on the Earth currently, they walk in fear. Now if you ask or point this truth out, you'll receive opposition. But these are the people who claim to forgive but not forget. How? These are the people who claim they need no "outside" books to support theirs. They can't deal with the questioning of their beliefs and often threaten with the promise of Hell. As the saying goes, one needs originality, but it must be backed, if not matched, by philosophy and comparison critical thinking. I could go on, but I will give one last point to ponder. There is a mistrusting of anyone who is outside their community. There is a hole where diversity belong within their organization whose collective has splintered into more denominations than any other main group of religious devotees. They are sheep and the shepherds have place the fear of Yahweh in them. I wasn't a follower of Yahweh by any means of actions other than proclamation and explanation of my behaviors and Biblical understandings. Nor was I a follower of Yahweh's actions and treatment of people. He, Yahweh, is a hard god for a hardheaded people and I'm not hardheaded. I was already torn by my inner drive for wisdom beyond my soul. The closer I got to my truest desire the further I got from Yahweh. I was questioning Yahweh, daring him and no commander likes that- least of all Yahweh. Therefore, I am going to let Yahweh go. I now allow Yahweh to go his way and I go mine. No hidden agenda. I honor Yahweh's power, strength, and even the devotion shown toward his people. There is nothing but love and relief in my heart. Part of me, deep down, wishes that there was something that Yahweh could still teach me; but the Greatest God got this, and my next teacher will appear. I had so much fear, so much anger, and so many restrictions to overcome. I can't speak for other followers, but Yahweh seems to be the type of relay runner who has come to the end of their stretch and refuse to pass the baton. I think that the inspired threats of men, has nothing to do with saving souls and more with binding people's mind and soul to Yahweh. Maybe Jesus wasn't celebrating Yahweh? I've still to conclude on that thesis. During the process of writing Hour of Change, I saw the characterize image, the one I made of him. I realized that I had not been given the chance to become who I was born to be, because of some inspired teachings of desert men and women which said that Yahweh way was the only way. I realized that if I was at war, fighting for my spiritual survival, then yes, Yahweh's way is the only way. Listen to me, I was that individual fighting my own guilt and consequences; Yahweh's was my savior as I ran from the truth of who and what I am. Yahweh is the one who will direct without considering the inner development of the one he's directing. Once I become still, I was able to see that it was Yahweh who had kept me running because all gods need someone to share their understanding with. I'm not trying to take that from Yahweh, what I am doing is stepping deeper into the light of the Greatest God. Once I am placed under another god, I will serve that god the way I served the god of war. I am no warrior-soldier anymore. I am a full blood soldier for peace fore I have been honorably discharged. Best of luck to Yahweh and the shepherds under him. Fore, your sheep are frighten and running off cliffs; mindless and lacking free will. And, best of luck to me. Core beliefs are a motherfucker!
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AuthorOne of those writer folk telling stories, reviewing the writer's adventure, and presenting the hero's journey. All wrapped in Spirit, the Kingdom of God, the Sanatana Dharma, the Tao, the Way, or the Absolute. Archives
February 2020
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